Smile at the camera, and stop punching your brother in the ribs!

A good friend of mine broke down in tears today. She was so stressed that she couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. After a few hours of talking, de-stressing, and hanging around at a friends place, we wound up at Waffle House. Having eaten our meals and talked for an hour, we finally paid the tab and left. As we were walking away, my friend told the lady behind the register to have a good night. The woman looked at us and said, "It's morning now."

Night

The sun set hours ago,

But it never said goodbye.

They always say it's darkest

Just before the dawn.

Who are they?

I tell them, "I don't believe in mornings

Until I see a sunrise."

Burden of proof on the cheerful

Leaves me lazy,

At least for tonight.

If the sun rises

Then I might change my opinion.

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." - C.S. Lewis

College Dreams

Dreaming. That's what my Facebook status was today. It could apply every day, but I'm afraid of angering the few friends I do have. So I generally post inspirational quotes, song lyrics, and witty one liners to keep the truth at bay. All the while I'm still dreaming.

I've been skipping classes for days now. No one has tried to hunt me down, and I don't know if I should be relieved about that. I can always be found in the same place, so if anyone wanted to I'd be easy to find. But no one does. So I just stare into the sky and daydream.

When I was younger, I remember staring into the sky and feeling small. Now I just feel a vague disappointment. The universe, I'm sure, has failed me on purpose. So all I can do in response is stare it in the face and dream. The fluffy white clouds pass slowly across my vision as I think of little.

Laying down on that hill, I think back about what my grandfather told me. He would always talk about how lucky I was that I wasn't an immigrant. I agree. More importantly, though, he told me that he came here because of dreams, but none of them were ever fulfilled. Grandfather went to his grave unsatisfied and bitter.

Everything he ever told me is locked somewhere in my head, where math and history and motivation should reside. He always told me that I took everything for granted, which is true. He'd constantly talk up all my failures, but the most important he left off the list.

My mother got knocked up by a trust fund college kid messing around with the guy from across the tracks. No matter what 80's movie you love, those guys rarely step up when the girl gets pregnant. Grandfather never told me so, but it was obvious that he blamed me for my father's choices. His angel, though, still took first place in his heart. I think that's why nanna ran away with the milkman.

College opened me up to a realm of possibilities, but did nothing to prepare me for the ramifications. I think I need meds.

So as the sky slowly darkens I still gaze to heaven. I just hope I'll wake up soon.

There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after." - J.R.R. Tolkien

Emo Ethan waves hello from the corner.

I thought it would be a good idea to actually try and update more often, so the easiest way for me to ease into a routine is to write a haiku every few days, and let the larger stuff sort itself out. Enjoy!

Sunday weeps alone.

The blood drips from her fingers;

She is dead inside.

"Faithless is he that says fairwell when the road darkens." - J.R.R. Tolkien

I'm sorry that this took so long, So I wrote this tiny song!

It has been quite a long time. Sorry about that, all you hundreds of people who rabidly follow this blog. To appease you, hear is a poem that I have just written. You are the first* to see this! Yay!

Ginger Love

Growing up third of seven

nothing to lose

Everything to prove.

Because gingers don’t have souls.

Growing up starving

for a look,

for a touch,

For some food.

Was every kid as selfish as I?

I looked for angels,

Any one of them would do,

I’d even try to

Make an angel of you

Because gingers don’t have souls.

Finally putting words to a page

Releases the rage

I've kept pent in a cage.

I know you don’t care.

I've got a handle on my feelings,

And I won’t be left reeling again.

I am impenetrable,

Because gingers do not have souls

I hope you liked it.

*There is a possibility that others will have accessed this site prior to your arrival here. Please do not feel bad and rant about your hurt feelings in the comments. Do, however, comment in the comments, seeing as that is what they are meant to do.

"Job plunges into a series of demands on and accusations of God which may be and indeed are epigrams of high intelligence, but are not noticeably patient." - Charles Williams